Media That special time of the season

Hello LGer's, As season 29 has come to a close (Congrats Stockton) and season 30 is just mere weeks away. We enter a unique period of time between playing and waiting for new beginnings. During this time some players begin forging new hockey relationships while playing club games with fresh faces. While others step as far away from anything hockey related as possible. For this article I will be focusing on the chat box and the people that swim it's murky waters. Specifically the types of players you find in the chat box and what they say during this peculiar and short time frame. These are my observations.

In the interest of being "ethical" I must write this disclaimer.

Now please understand that I do not own a PHD in Psychiatry nor do I have any special training in that field. What I do have is many years of "life experience" and a great ability to read people and their personalities. The observations found below are of an amateur variety. Please check your salt shakers at the door.



Will you bid on me?

Ah yes the "who will bid on me" guy. This is arguably the most common and basic of player found during the moratorium between seasons. Whether written in jest, Or as I suspect a deep seeded issue that has germinated from an early childhood seed only to bloom in young adulthood. These players are quite insecure and show signs of damage from a barrage of childhood bullying. The constant need for companionship and needing a place to belong are signs that this poor individual is likely to be the "weak link" on your opening night roster. Not built for the mental rigors of a full 9 week season.

Judgement: Avoid at all costs!


500K Shitter here! (AKA I'm going to the CHL)

I understand everyone wants to go for a low number to allow their prospective team more flexibility to surround them with great players for the season. But players that constantly devalue themselves despite being known as a top player exhibit some traits that are troubling. These players quite obviously just need a good hug. One would also assume that the relationship between the player and their fathers were less than adequate. This is also known as having "daddy issues". 500K syndrome is not exclusively derived from father problems. In some more rare cases the player in question suffers from the widely unknown Klinefelter syndrome. Definition: Klinefelter syndrome, also known as the XXY condition, is a term used to describe males who have an extra X chromosome in most of their cells. Instead of having the usual XY chromosome pattern that most males have, these men have an XXY pattern. AKA. You have a tiny penis.

Judgement: High maintenance prima donna. Tread lightly.


Anyone scouting?/ Can you scout me?


Scouting? We're talking about scouting, man. [laughter from the media crowd] We're talking about scouting. We're talking about scouting. We ain't talking about the game. [more laughter] We're talking about scouting, man. Thank you Mr Iverson I'll take it from here. Fuckin' Allen Iverson. Am I right? Caught him stealing carrots out of my garden yesterday. Figured I would throw the guy a bone and give him this gig and $50.

So you wanna scout? If you are a career CHL guy trying to move up a level please stop reading this and ignore this diagnosis. Your fine unless one of the other profiles fits you. For the rest of you still here you are assumed to be a regular AHL guy or god forbid a returning NHL player trying to reconnect with the "minors". You poor misguided soul your childhood was completely fucked wasn't it? I'm talking no GI Joe figures, Transformers or Nintendo system. It was all dollar store soldiers, Go Bots, Atari and a heaping helping of anal rape. Now it really doesn't matter if it was your uncle, A neighbor or as is the case most times your local pastor. The fact is you received dicks and human digits in your tenderest of nether areas. On top of having your colon screened for polyps at an early age your also in need of constant gratification. Suggestion is for you to receive intensive counseling.

Judgement: Reserve these guys for your TC. Very eager to please.


I hope this was helpful for some managers readying the building of their teams. Maybe even a few players will begin walking down their road to recovery. Please keep in mind I don't get paid for these amazing articles here on LG so my payment comes in the form of the ratings you leave. I'm a giant whore and love your positive feedback.


Thanks for reading.
NotoriousFAT 00

 

....so, um, 500k shitter here! But you're wrong, I don't have an ego, I'm just misunderstood.

 

AKA You have a tiny penis.

 

Love this @NotoriousFAT 00

 

I love it when Neil goes into full bitter shitter mode. Someday he'll discover girls and his life will change.

 

Looks like this has been helpful for people (term used loosely) maybe I can follow it up with more psychological evaluations.

 

Real question tho, where does one go to see who is now a FA for next season?

Trying to figure out in what category I fall in. Thx