Smit’s Pre-Season Grades

First of 80% of you all will just scroll down to your team, read your grades and then hope back in the chatbox.

THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO MAKE ANY OF YOU CRY OR UPSET. Please keep it friendly so we can continue to have nice things to read with the media this season.


Bakersfield Condors

The condors have SO many positions swap players that’s it’s hard to get a read on what this team will do during the season. Winning @BigD Auditor will give them a boost but even then think his contract is a little high.

Offense: B-
Defense:C
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Belleville Senators

@BUFFALO STAR 23 is taking the reins in testing out management this season and I wish him the best of luck but it’s going to be an uphill battle. This team is really going to struggle when their top line in @Iv 0VI vI and @Edenheart aren’t on the ice. 80% of the team has a .500 record or below along with negative +/-‘s. @GaryRocks30 in net is a lot better than his stats show and paying 2,000,000 for another goalie seems like a waste of cap. Hopefully you guys can prove me wrong!

Offense: C-
Defense: D
Goalie: C
Overall:

Binghamton Devils

Don’t want to come off as biased, but think the Baby Dev’s are a little under estimated. Returning an entire 80 pt line with one regulation loss from last season with @XenoSZN , @Bryce18xx716 and @Rubber McDucky , along with the Veterans @im just a squid and @Vanillx on a great contract the Devil’s will look to get out of the gate fast in a stacked division.

Offense: B+
Defense: C+
Goalie: B+
Overall: B (3.16)

Bridgeport Soundtigers

At first glance this is a S34 CHL team taking the step up to the next level. @Vahey l19l and linemate @Dauntless x 29 tore it up last season for the Giants but both have struggled mightily when asked to play in the A getting only 7 wins combined out of 26 possible games the last 5 seasons. @ncAALLDAY85 and @I Matthews 34 I are really good additions to help build depth, but overpaid way to much for linemate @Nardo x 19 in his first ever AHL Season at 6+ mill.

Offense: C+
Defense: B
Goalie: B
Overall: C+ (2.83)

Charlotte Checkers

@FrenchMoron and @Drxma have almost the perfect roster going after bidding. With a ton of returning great players they didn’t have much to address in bidding but still went out and acquired @Baaacks and @Neaverth for 12+ Mill. Neaverth’s contract seems like a little bit of a reach to me but hey they had money to spend. On the back end up the only weakness this has is their 3rd line pair but if they score 5-6 a game what’s it matter then.

Offense:A
Defense:B+
Goalie: B
Overall:

Chicago Wolves

If you don’t speak French your shit outta luck. @fRiS3RMaST3rQc is actually a pretty skilled defenseman but has zero experience when it comes to management let alone playing at a higher level than the CHL. Would’ve liked to see this team grab a few more elite forwards, @Alpha x 77 is a monster on D but 8 mill means you botched the bidding process. Think they grabbed to many CHL players and went with who he knew.

Offense: C+
Defense: C+
Goalie: C
Overall:

Cleveland Monsters
The Monsters find themselves in a pretty good situation going into week one, their roster is at first glance very top heavy and will rely on their forwards to dictate where the game is played. Couple of CHL All-stars who turned into NHL busts might very well be the diamond in the rough for Cleveland.

Offense: B+
Defense: C+
Goalie: D (They have 1 Goalie as of now and he's under .500)
Overall:

Colorado Eagles
Very little weakness up front for the Eagle this season, and having @skyre5 jump over from the Rampage could set this team over the top again on a deep playoff run. Only area of immediate concern would be the 3rd line D-Pair and the players making their first appearance's playing D, but that's just about every team right now.

Offense: A
Defense: B+
Goalie: B+
Overall:

Grand Rapid Griffins
@Reiders8663 better have that level 3 backpack all packed up and ready to go because this team can't justify spending 8,250,000 on any player when they don't have a starting D-Pair. I mean this in the nicest way possible but what the hell happened the Griffins have 5/6 defensemen with losing records and negative +/-. @NigelFromTinder love you buddy, but could be a long season you better start swiping left to find some new matches.

Offense: B
Defense: D
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Hartford Wolfpack
Really hard to judge here with the Wolfpack only having 7/9 forwards on their active roster but overall @ZiggyP5 and @xl NiTeOwL lx found a few steals in the draft. Dooglare is an NHL caliber player but might of reached a little high with over 4 mill on a guy who's constantly been a .500 player. Lots of CHL forwards trying another season on Def, could be a great depth move lets just hope it doesn't blow up in their faces early.

Offense: B
Defense: C+
Goalie: C
Overall:

Hershey Bears
Bringing in @Studz x 7 to AGM was a huge move for Moist this off-season, kinda weird they only have one true RW listed on the roster but i'm they are already handling that. Couple of GREAT 500k steals in bidding and could prove to set them over the top with the extra cap at the deadline.

Offense: B
Defense: C+
Goalie: B+
Overall:

Iowa Wild
@Cc o s i n e 18 Is a very skilled winger but 6,250,000 on one guy while you build a 500k army on Defense has NEVER been the answer to winning games. LG hasn't seen @BomBaey in over a year, he was once a very skilled center but hope they weren't bidding blindly on old numbers.

Offense: B
Defense: D
Goalie: D
Overall:

Laval Rocket
Laval is straight up cursed, I think in all my seasons here they've been in the playoff race MAYBE once. Couple of really skilled wings in @xOvechkin-I8I and great contract on @SpruceMoose91 but not sure its quite enough to lock them into a playoff birth, BUT they will be in the hunt.

Offense: C+
Defense: C
Goalie: C+
Overall:

LeHigh Phantoms
Im feeling for @Gthumbz42o here, goes from a dominant 2 seasons in a row with Bridgeport and Colorado to now a middle of the road Phantom's team. LeHigh's strengths after bidding are actually their back 6 which could keep them in a lot of close games and then anything can happen.

Offense: C
Defense: B+
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Manitoba Moose
The Moose are one the 3-4 Stacked Western teams who should run through most of the season with very little competition come division week. Dont expect much movement upfront unless it's to improve their 2nd-3rd D Pairs.

Offense: B+
Defense: C+
Goalie: B+
Overall:

Milwaukee Admirals
Milwaukee is just about the only team who will give Manitoba a run for their money in the division and love the move by @PigsOnJupiter to spend the money for a shutdown game 7 D-Pair in @Neil x 25 and @Mr WorldWlde 69.

Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Goalie: B
Overall:

Ontario Reign
Going to try and be as nice as possible and maybe the best thing to say here is nothing. @lProvy l9l ... going to be a long season, sorry boss.

Offense: C+
Defense: D
Goalie: D (Schemmm looks to have the edge in every stat but doubt he starts over a GM goalie...yikes)
Overall:

Palm Spring Firebirds
This team makes ZERO sense to me, 2.5 Mill on a forward who's 6-21 in the A. Their entire team is made up of RW's, 90% of their team lives in the CHL, and ALL of their LD are 500k and are a COMBINED -45 +/- last season. Please tell me this isn't real.....

Offense: C+
Defense: F+
Goalie: D
Overall:

Providence Bruins
Rumor is Broomball is switching to C and making Nifty his linemate sounds like cant miss TwitchTV! Just messing, all in all the Bruins aren't half bad. @Nifty by himself can carry a line and think @Cam19 best move was to sign up for the AHL again after a rough Vegas season. Well balanced on the backend as well, could leave Providence to surprise a few people.

Offense: B
Defense: C+
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Rochester Americans
Realistically this team is stacked, even their 3rd line are made up of players who will go .500 on the year, and lets face it that all 3rd lines need to do these days. Couple of fantastic steal in the draft, only thing that I could see this team doing is trying to wiggle around cap space to bring a #1 at the deadline.

Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Goalie: B
Overall:

Rockford Icehogs
@Gros Tabarnack and @Amiot x 04 have a special place in my heart for being my first ever draft picked duo back in S26 but if you look past this dynamic duo, Rockford is in a world of hurt before the season has started. At least @Mr SaWse and @blunceworth can have a good cry on each other's shoulders and remember the good ol days in San Antonio.

Offense: C
Defense: C
Goalie: B
Overall:

San Antonio Rampage
So the Rampage are no doubt going to be taking a step back from their high-potent team of Season 34. BUT could be surprising a few teams early that take San Antonio lightly, with the ability to stay balanced skill wise on forward this season will be made or broken on their Defense.

Offense: B
Defense: D+
Goalie: C
Overall:

San Diego Gulls
Not going to lie, I'm really salty that I mis-timed by bids and lost out on @ArchambauIt, great all around guy who can and will single handed-ly win double digit games. @Bard x 19 is a solid pickup but a little over priced, for anyone that doesn't know him if he happens to land on Arch's line look out! Lacking a real1st or 2nd line on D so look for the gulls to make everygame a shootout.

Offense: B
Defense: D+
Goalie:B
Overall:

San Jose Barracuda
This team would be ELITE in 2016. Kinda curious to find out if the old guys still have thumbs! If they happen to find the chemistry San Jose could be a fun place to play this season.

Offense: B
Defense: B
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Springfield Thunderbirds
If @flightn and @meka DVA meka happen to play together that could be actually be a decent season for the pair. But if they are asked to carry alone, I could see an early retirement or 4/9 avail in the near future.

Offense: C+
Defense: C
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Stockton Heat
Couple of decent contracts actually on the Heat, which if they find themselves out of playoff contention early will be able to easily build to S36.

Offense: C+
Defense: C
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Syracuse Crunch
Am I crazy to not be sipping the Crunch Kool-Aid? This team stays chirping in the chatbox but when you dive into their stats alot of them are average at best? Dont mean this is a negative way at all and i'm sure you all will get your feelings hurt but most of this team are .500 players. I look for the Crunch to be right in the middle of a playoff race but not win the division.

Offense: B
Defense: C+
Goalie: B
Overall:

Texas Stars
Pretty cool to see Vet's like @SaBBz Da x GoaT return to LG and NHL after nearly 9+ seasons, if he still has thumbs that' a 500k STEAL! Another team made up of Vets who have been around since the VHL days, love to see it.

Offense: B
Defense: B
Goalie: B
Overall:

Toronto Marlies
Marlies are going to surprise a few teams this season, have a few great but cheap contracts which sets them up nicely down the road for a couple of power moves.

Offense: C+
Defense: C+
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Tucson Roadrunners
The TRAPson Roadrunners, is how they will now and forever be known as. We already know the exact game-plan this team runs every season but somehow teams still have no way to get in their zone. Add in @l Freddy ll and this team just got scary on the backend.

Offense: B
Defense: B
Goalie: B
Overall:

Utica Comets
Realistically this is probably my favorite team on paper coming out of bidding. Bills at 1 mill is a great contract, and somehow they still were able to get @Grandma in Urn for 7,500,000. Legit one of the scariest game seven lines in the AHL this season, and oh did I forget to mention they have @DeIosh

Offense: B+
Defense: A
Goalie: B
Overall:

WBS Penguins
The Baby Pens did a great job at first glance dividing up the skill and building depth throughout their whole backend. Like him or hate him, @TITOWILDTHNG is a really good well rounded Center who can carry a line when needed, look for nothing but good thingscomign out of WBS this season and should be safely in playoff contention.

Offense: B
Defense: B
Goalie:B
Overall:

 

Springfield Thunderbirds
If @flightn and @meka DVA meka happen to play together that could be actually be a decent season for the pair. But if they are asked to carry alone, I could see an early retirement or 4/9 avail in the near future.

Overall: Very Very Very Accurate. Catch me with Flight or catch me on a flight out of Springfield.

 

@PigsOnJupiter I guess i’m the do nothing manager

 

Hottest of takes for Palm springs but overall a good write up. Any media is good media

 

good writeup

 

CRUNCH BUZZERS

 

Great write up but grandma in urn is dogshit

 

Thanks for the write up kat

 

Toronto Marlies
Marlies are going to surprise a few teams this season, have a few great but cheap contracts which sets them up nicely down the road for a couple of power moves.

Offense: C+
Defense: C+
Goalie: C+
Overall:

Hell yeah I love my marlies

 

Wait why is @fRiS3RMaST3rQc GMing? Figured he'd be on Vegas.

Also @Nardo x 19 doesn't have Xbox upper league experience but he's an 18+ win NHL dman on PSN.

 

Love the preseason media Smitty. These Bears will be fine come regular season. Have a lot of call ups (including 2 RWs which answers that question you had at RW) as well some of our team actually being traded because we had some extra bid spots. Good luck to you and @XenoSZN this season

 

<3 @SmiTTy x 12

 

Palm Spring Firebirds
Defense: F+

I know you said no crying ... but

 

Great write-up good job kat

 

@Grandma in Urn

Great write up @SmiTTy x 12, you still failed to mention me, its like you hate me or something. Thanks for the kind words on the team, good luck this season!

 

good read. nice work. checker SZN

 

Oh wow...

 

Another season away from my sons

@Gros Tabarnack @Amiot x 04

 

Ballzy Check! Monsters now have a goalie over 500!

 

Shitty part is I guess you cant edit posts anymore after 10 minutes