Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn

A vessel floating down a river contains an orphaned baby boy. He is found and adopted. As he grows, he learns of his true identity and destiny of greatness.Thus is the premise of two of the greatest stories of our time, but that is where the similarities end. Now we’re not saying that “Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn” is better than the Good Book; that would be blasphemy. But please consider the following questions: - Does the Bible feature BASKETBALL LEGEND SHAQUILLE O’NEAL AS AN ASS-KICKING WU XING MASTER? - Can the Holy Writ boast A DOPE NEW RAP FEATURING THE BIG ARISTOTLE HIMSELF)? - Does the Book of Books provide the EXCITEMENT AND HILARITY OF BATTLING BOSSES WHO ARE PARODIES OF FAMOUS DOUCHEBAGS? - Do any of the conflicts depicted in the The Sacred Testimony qualify as EPIC BOSS BATTLES THAT YOU WON’T BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY PUT INTO A GAME? “Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn” DOES contain all of those thrilling features and many more! So buy it. It’s pretty cheap.

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• 10
  Counter a-Shaq I
  Performed 25 counter-attacks
• 10
  Cha Ching I
  Collected 5 Icy Hots
• 20
  Cha Ching II
  Collected 10 Icy Hots
• 40
  Cha Ching III
  Collected 50 Icy Hots
• 10
  Pole Dancer I
  Took out 150 enemies using any melee weapon
• 20
  Pole Dancer II
  Took out 500 enemies using any melee weapon
• 40
  Pole Dancer III
  Took out 1000 enemies using any melee weapon
• 10
  Mechanized Mayhem I
  Took out 300 enemies in Diesel mode
• 20
  Mechanized Mayhem II
  Took out 600 enemies in Diesel mode
• 40
  Mechanized Mayhem III
  Took out 1000 enemies in Diesel mode
• 20
  Great Balls of Fire
  Overheated 3 times in Diesel mode
• 20
  Counter a-Shaq II
  Performed 150 counter-attacks
• 10
  Gas Guzzler
  Finished Shaq Diesel event for the 1st time
• 10
  Any 10-year-old could do this I
  Took out 500 any enemies
• 20
  Any 10-year-old could do this II
  Took out 1000 any enemies
• 40
  Any 10-year-old could do this III
  Took out 2000 any enemies
• 10
  Shaq-e-Kong I
  Took out 100 enemies using barrels
• 20
  Shaq-e-Kong II
  Took out 300 enemies using barrels
• 40
  Shaq-e-Kong III
  Took out 600 enemies using barrels
• 10
  Temple of Boom
  Entered the Temple of Shroom
• 20
  Diesel Power
  Took out 200 enemies using loader
• 10
  Post Beatdown Refreshments
  Walked through the bikers' bar
• 40
  Counter a-Shaq III
  Performed 300 counter-attacks
• 10
  500 Little Pricks
  Shooted 500 spines in Shaqtus mode
• 20
  1000 Little Pricks
  Shooted 1000 spines in Shaqtus mode
• 40
  2000 Little Pricks
  Shooted 2000 spines in Shaqtus mode
• 10
  The Juice Is Loose
  Performed Shaq Wave for the 1st time
• 20
  Shaq Frack I
  Performed 50 Shaq Waves
• 40
  Shaq Frack II
  Performed 200 Shaq Waves
• 10
  Anger Mismanagement I
  Smashed 50 destroyable objects
• 20
  Anger Mismanagement II
  Smashed 150 destroyable objects
• 40
  Anger Mismanagement III
  Smashed 300 destroyable objects