The JERZ returns to share his thoughts on the playoffs

After what has been a long absence on here, yours truly has returned to save these forums from the decadence and decay it has suffered throughout the summer. I have returned from my long and arduous journey, where I have showed complete disregard for the food sources penetrating my body and have become close friends with the toilet upon the hours of 3-5 am.

The JERZ noticed the playoff thread written by Blick, whoever that is. I read the predictions regarding the Devils/Sabres series. Anything regarding Buffalo was omitted from my eyes because they are irrelevant. I do not know who plays on Buffalo, because that holds as much water as the numeric value Jonathan Hannah gives you in pertinence to the amount of first dates he's attended. Since we all know he has had no sequels, the number means nothing.

People have spoken their minds on the NugeJERZy Devils and their "lack of success" during the regular season as it relates to the high expectations placed on us. To that I say, "SHUT THE HELL UP". The regular season means and will continue to have the same relevance as 99 percent of the "humor" on here, where you all have constantly failed at trying to mimic my phrases, use fat jokes in reference to me in my absence to get cheap thanks and what have you. Outside a few of you, most of you make me sick.

I have returned, I have trained for this and will not let my 15,000 calories a day regiment be wasted. Let this be a guarantee straight from the scriptures of the holy book...the BOOK OF JERZ, that the Devils will hook that leg sixteen times and win that fucking virtual cup.

To the team that manages to bottle lightning and defeat us, I will award you Microsoft points to the tune of the same value of the amount of days Trobby Trobs has stepped outside since he became a "top playa." Should be a doozy.

In regards to second tags, recovering tags, and what not....to those perpetrators I look at you all and see people who feeds their cats dog food.

The forums are now saved. Your welcome.

JERZ

 

Congratulations on your successful recovery from Gastric Bypass Surgery!

 

Lmfao. Wow Mark get shit on by the guy who is on his toilet from 3-5am. [MENTION=6628]JHannah7[/MENTION], [MENTION=4189]Milestone JERZ[/MENTION]

 

[video=youtube;6Oh2FKENMoM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Oh2FKENMoM[/video]

 

Wow Jerz is back? This series will be easier than expected

 

JERZ, I'm only gonna say this once. You are...without a shout of a doubt...the BIEST slob on these forums. You came back from training? Training for what? The hot dog eating contest isn't until next year, and I don't think walking to your front door to tip the delivery man counts as "training".

Do us all a favor and return to JERZ island where the population is 1 you SUM'BITCH.

YURRRRRRRR

 

He's gonna learn how it feels to get dominated, just like that poor toilet of his. I'm dedicating my efforts in this series to every buffet and toilet that Jerz has shown no mercy towards.

 

I'm dedicating my efforts in this series to all the defensemen who got stuck playing with you over the years watching you sit on the other red line. Nothing less than a ROCKHARD performance by the JERZ.

P.S. It's JERZ not Jerz you sugar-free eating, organic loving, dumb sumbitch

 

Sorry man, my batteries are usually at one bar and my guy stops moving before my blueline. It just so happens that when I start moving again I have the puck at center ice. Not my fault BRO

 

???

 

I'm inspired Jerz.

 

@AgentSooksta008 Leg: Hooked

[video=youtube;CWvmsuaPcV0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWvmsuaPcV0[/video]

 

Da

Da Da Duh Duh Duh

Da Da Duh Duh Duh Da Da Duh Duh

Duh Duh

Da Da Duh Duh Da Duh Duh



WE'RE GONNA TEAR THROUGH YOU NUBS, LIKE THE JERZ, TEARS THROUGH, A PORTERHOUSE STEAK.

IT AIN'T GONNA BE PRETTY.

 

SOMEBODY GET THIS KID A CAPS-LOCK BUTTON................

ITS PRONOUNCED JERZ NOT Jerz




P.S. I love you like JERZ loves cake.

 

Fixed <3

 

With high expectations running wild, can Nuge escape round 1? Will Sooks turds be too greasy? Will the JERZ order Golden dragon takeout before each game to satisfy the urge of kung pow chicken? Will lan aka the robot be enough to extinguish Nuges lg playoff nightmares that haunt him nightly? This should be an Epic series, possibly even destiny for the masses. Holy shit buckle up and strap in!

 

"JERZ, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.


I want you to digest this because before I leave in 4 weeks with your Stanley cup Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.


I don't hate you, Jerz. I don't even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people on the forums.


I hate this idea that you're the best. Because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better at than I am and that's kissing Tris' ass


You're as good as kissing Tris' ass as Devin was. I don't know if you're as good as Nuge though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.


Whoops! I'm breaking the fourth wall! (Frank waves to the camera)


I am the best Chel'er in the world.


I've been the best since day one when I walked into this company. And I've been vilified and hated since that day because Hanson saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm a Hanson guy. You know who else was a Hanson guy? Ryudo. And he split just like I'm splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Ryudo is I'm going to leave with the Stanley cup Championship.


I've grabbed so many of Tris' brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that there just that, they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, on the ice, even on commentary! Nobody can touch me!


And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not on your lovely little collector cups. I'm not on the cover of the program. I'm barely promoted. I don't get to be in movies. I'm certainly not on any crappy show on the League Gaming Network. I'm not on the LGHL all star team. I'm not on Conan O'Brian. I'm not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.


This isn't sour grapes. But the fact that Jerz is in the main event at WrestleMania next year and I'm not makes me sick!


Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you're the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You're the ones that buy those programs that my face isn't on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because you're too lazy to go get a real job.


I'm leaving with the Stanley cup championship And hell, who knows, maybe I'll go defend it in The Moose, Maybe I'll go back to League Arena


Hey, Girgs, how you doing?


The reason I'm leaving is you people. Because after I'm gone, you're still going to pour money into this company. I'm just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Tris is going to make money despite himself. He's a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he's not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, non-sensical, douchebag (censored) yes men, like Ozzy, who's going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I'd like to think that maybe this company will better after Tris is dead. But the fact is, it's going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.


I was bored, and well enjoy my PIPEBOMB

 

tl;dr

 

Yeah, reading's hard.

 

Dibs John Cena.