Vol. 2, Issue No. 3 — LGFA Extra Time: The 'What Did I Do?' Edition

Imgur Links
Page 1: http://i.imgur.com/Sk4Otvi.jpg
Page 2: http://i.imgur.com/YjiK2PJ.jpg

 

2 suspended, 12 warned after Week 1 of play
Torched Xans, CreepyKlepto must sit 2 games for failure to post stats

By @nubsy004
LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host
It was a busy end of the week for BOGs and staff in the LGFA, as the expansion of stats and lack of some teams entering them has not gone unnoticed.
Five teams received warnings for either not entering all the stats from the week or failing to complete lineups for games, and two owners received 2-game suspensions for not fully entering stats for the entire week.
Aston Villa Owner @Torched Xans and Crystal Palace Owner @CreepyKlepto will both be barred from playing in Sunday’s league games, as staff doles out 2-game suspension for each of the owners.
“No stats were entered for the entire week,” the ruling said. “As always, you have the right to appeal.”
Other management for each of the teams received warnings.
Also receiving warnings were the management of Chelsea, Manchester United and Manchester City.
Chelsea’s @Marijuano626, @XPrEttYB0Y818X and @xxxHERCULESxxxx were warned for incomplete stats and lineups for some of the games this week.
“Moving forward, lineups and stats must be completely submitted within 24 hours to avoid further actions,” the ruling said.
Manchester United’s @Python x 77, @xl bearjuden lx and @o Magic Johnny were warned for incomplete stats for some of the games played this week.
Finally, Man City’s @SOCCER SM 10, @PANDA SwAGGGGG and @PhEnOm NYHC were warned for not entering all stats.
“All stats must be entered for games moving forward,” the ruling said. “Please ensure that you keep track of this.”
In previous seasons, LGFA owners were responsible for game stats, goals, assists, shots and goalkeeper saves. Added on to the stat responsibilities this season are: Man of the Match, passing and tackling.
Complaints have come in about the new stats not being viewable in the stats page, which makes it a struggle to use them when deciding on honors like Team of The Week and Team of the season.
However, the individual game pages include the stats for each player, and the full list of stats is viewable on each member’s player card.
The hope in adding the new stats is to better-determine which players are more solid defensively, which can help decide awards and also help owners in future seasons when scouting or bidding.

Bayer players facing fines
Deputy Commissioner: Chatbox behavior unacceptable

By @nubsy004
LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host
Nearly everyone in LGFA has been in the chatbox at least a time or two, and while some people practically live there (looking at you @K inG NeymaR), there was one team in the league that just discovered its existence this week — Bayer Leverkusen.
Led by Owner @PineapplePotPie, who is named after the Hawaiian version of an American classic dinner, Die Werkself (That’s their real nickname…look it up) launched a full assault on the chatbox this week, preventing any other team from getting a word in edgewise.
Rumor has it the Leverkusen players are young and just now learning how to use the website properly, and Pineapple confirmed the suspicions.
“We’re a ragtag group of millennials who have plenty of experience with high-end technology, so this plain old ‘website’ feels like something from the 90s to us,” he said. “Once the boys figured out we could blast our opinions to everyone else in the league, there was no stopping our voices from being heard.”
While the Bayer crew might have seen the chatbox raid as just a bit of innocent fun, LGFA Deputy Commissioner @phillyfan765 is not amused.
“They are ruining the chatbox experience for the rest of the league,” he said. “How can we all have rational discussions about who is ass and who isn’t when these Leverkusen kids are just spamming the Bayer logo constantly and for no real reason.”
Because of the overuse of the chatbox, Philly said fines may be handed down to a few of the Leverkusen players.
“Any overuse of the chatbox, such as aggressively posting your team logo over and over again, unnecessary chirping or spamming to prevent others from using it, will result in $250,000 fines added to a player’s contract,” Philly said. “All of this is why each team has their own team chat in the Team Locker.”
@Spaifer, AGM of Leverkusen, brushed off the warning from the league brass.
“We’ll do as we please, when we please and how we please,” he scoffed. “I feel like we are being unfairly targeted, as Philly is not making these rules for any other teams. This is age discrimination, and as a millennial, I will stage a march on the league offices until the chatbox is as free as the healthcare Bernie Sanders was trying to give us.”
Out on vacation avoiding the fiasco, Commissioner @Brisan66 said he is checking out from the nonsense.
“I just opened a tab at the bar and am downing fuzzy navals left and right,” he said. “I’m sure whatever Philly is doing is just fine.”

SATIRE DISCLOSURE: This article is not serious in nature. If you believe what you have read here, Extra Time and the LGFA relinquish all responsibilities regarding your actions. Carry on.

iS1CK's Health-O-Meter Power Rankings

By iS1CK l2l
LGFA Extra Time Reporter
English Premier League
1. Liverpool
Diagnosis: Could run a marathon...Twice
With some kind random assignments, this team has become a favorite to win the EPL and has an almost impenetrable defense, allowing only one goal — ONE GOAL — in Week 1. The offense is proving it can score, and with the top defense in the league, this team is easily the top pick to win one title this season at the least.
KEY PLAYERS:
FWD: @K inG x NeymaR - 2 G, 3 A
MID: @SHIEK l 10 l - 2 G, 1 A, 2 CS
DEF: @l Vendi l - 3 CS, @Smalling l 12 l - 3 CS
GK: @CKlassen - 1 GA, 3 CS, 4 SVs on 5 Shots.

2. Leicester City
Diagnosis: Well-rested
A surprising team to most, but with the roster this team has, the ranking is no surprise. This team has a solid defense, which helps win most games. However, the offense is showing it has some ability as well. If the Foxes can show some consistency, they could challenge Liverpool for the title, if not make a run in the cups.
KEY PLAYERS:
FWD: @Raging l Raver - 3 G, 1 A
MID: @gerabeast10 - 1 G, 2 A, 1 CS
DEF: @LoCoTrAcK5tAr - 1 CS,
GK: @Ad4mHunter - 5 GA, 17 SVs on 25 Shots, 1 CS

3. Manchester United
Diagnosis: Sweaty palms, catching a fever
With a decent first week and a solid roster, The Devils could find themselves competing for a title. The problem with this team seems to be players’ availability. With a rough showing in the cup games, The Devils look to their management to figure something out.
KEY PLAYERS:
FWD: @XxSmarTz - 2 G, 1 A
MID: @xl bearjuden lx - 2 G, 2 A
DEF: @DoopArmyZolo - 1 G, 1 CS
GK: @JimmY x JoneS - 1 CS (Lack of stats)

4. Chelsea
Diagnosis: Calling in sick
5. Manchester City
Diagnosis: Feeling delusional
6. Tottenham
Diagnosis: Staying the night in the ER
7. Crystal Palace
Diagnosis: On their death beds
8. Aston Villa
Diagnosis: R.I.P (Season 7, Week 1)

Bundesliga
1. Bauer Leverkusen
Diagnosis: Doctor says you’re ok for sex, but protect yourself
After an excellent first week, Leverkusen looks virtually unstoppable. With a fantastic, goal-boasting offense and a terrifying defense, this team looks to be a favorite to win the Bundesliga heading into Week 2.
KEY PLAYERS:
FWD: @Unlucky Dustin - 5 G, 3 A, @DopeyTeddyBear - 5 G, 3 A
MID: @Farley x - 2 G, 3 CS
DEF: @PineapplePotPie - 1 G, 1 A, 3 CS
GK: @ClyfordHDGamer - 1 GA, 12 SVs on 7 Shots, 3 CS

2. Stuttgart
Diagnosis: Use some Viagra, it’ll help ya compete
A good showing in Week 1, losing only to Leverkusen, Stuttgart seems to be in good form and continues to show it deserves to be in the race for the league title this season. If the defense on this team can continue to hold teams to few goals, the offense has proven it can out score just about any team.
KEY PLAYERS:
FWD: @Texas Tenant - 3 G, 1 A
MID: @GoldenPandaDude - 1 G, 3 A, 2 CS
DEF: @Nehzo - 2 CS
GK: @KEVINHHO - 5 GA, 12 SVs on 18 Shots, 1 CS

3. Bayern Munich
Diagnosis: Don’t worry about a thing
After an undefeated showing in Week 1, Munich seems to be in great form. Adding some key additions to the team, it seems as though Bayern can only get better. It’s going to be a tight race in the Bundesliga for the title, but watch for this team to come out on top.
KEY PLAYERS:
FWD: @iMMuNiiTy - 4 G
MID: @Gotze l 9 l - 2 G, 2 A, 1 CS
DEF: @Nick l 5 l - 1 G, 2 CS
GK: @Bauer l 43 l - 2 GA, 14 SVs on 15 Shots, 2 CS

4. Werder Bremen
Diagnosis: Regretting going raw dog
5. Borussia Dortmund
Diagnosis: They make ointment for that
6. Schalke 04
Diagnosis: Dude, that’s not supposed to be there
7. Hoffenhiem
Diagnosis: Magic survived AIDS. So can you!
8. Wolfsburg
Diagnosis: Goodbye, Eazy E

Week 1 Starting XI

By lL A lK lE
LGFA Extra Time Reporter
LS: @Unlucky Dustin, Bayer Leverkusen, 5G, 3A
RS: @DopeyTeddyBear, Bayer Leverkusen, 5G, 3A
LM: @iMMuNiiTy, Bayern, 4G
CAM: @SOCCER SM 10, Man City, 3A
RM: @xl bearjuden lx, Man U, 2G, 2A
CDM: @cam9537, Werder Bremen, 3G
CDM: @GoldenPandaDude, Stuttgart, 1G, 3A
LCB: @Smalling l 12 l, Liverpool, 1G, 3CS
CB: @PineapplePotPie, Bayer Leverkusen, 1G, 1A, 3CS
RCB: @HemligKrigaren, Werder Bremen, 1G, 3CS
GK: @ClyfordHDGamer, Bayer Leverkusen, 1GA, 3CS, 12S
Honorable Mentions
FWD: @o Magic Johnny, Man U, 4G
FWD: @Texas Tenant, Stuttgart, 3G, 1A
FWD: @xMoBxGeTxMoNeYx, Crystal Palace, 4G
MID: @SHIEK l 10 l, Liverpool, 2G, 1A
CB: @Spaifer, Bayer Leverkusen, 1G, 3CS
GK: @Bauer l 43 l, Bayern, 2GA, 2CS, 14S

 

Well done Nubsy. Pineapple tries to control the team, but they are a lot of loose cannons. Testosterone and Mountain Dew.

 

Quality read

 

How I now envision Bayer:

 

Haha the article never fails in giving me a laugh @nubsy004

 

That's why they are my favorite to write!

 

snubbed

 

unfortunately this is the most accurate depiction of our group chat

 

Great job like usually maybe next week talk about all the trades

 

No love for DM's?

 

Huh?

 

I would've put strictly DM's in the DM part of the TOTW but I didnt know every teams DM's so I just went with regular midfielders. I'll try to be more realistic from now on, I had to look up stats off my cell phone because my laptop wouldn't connect to the internet so I just wanted to get it done as quickly as possible.