Please Vote! Week 3 "All-Stars" ft... Taylor Swift (just go with it)

Hello, we’re back again for week three. This time with a theme (other than the theme of everyone mentioned here being absolutely awful). A certain Taylor Swift loving BOG requested a mention and some Taylor Swift for my next "All-Star" write-up… So naturally I figured that I wouldn’t actually mention the BOG by name, and just go all out with random Swiftness. Every player gets a sad/angry Taylor Swift lyric to go along with their sad and miserable seasons. Grab an adult beverage and enjoy your holiday weekend, and this write-up (or don't, I really don't care).


First Line aka the "All Too 'un'Well" Line
https://youtu.be/sRxrwjOtIag

Left Wing: @kevinhockey7
0-7-1, (3-7-10 points), -13

- "Darling, let's run, run from it all"
("Run")
https://youtu.be/flv8AEWrRMI

*Kevin is the only player to be an All-Star for each of the first three weeks, but unfortunately he has "Run" to the CHL to hide from future All-Star nods.

Center: @AJ9191
1-8, (3-5-8 points), -16

- "But moving on from him is impossible. When I still see it all in my head. In burning red”
("Red")
https://youtu.be/R_rUYuFtNO4

*This Red player is certainly burning the eyes of his teammates so far this season.

Right Wing: @Madhatterjokerr
1-7-1, (8-2-10 points), -16

- "I gave to you my best and we both know you can't say that."
("Better Man")
https://youtu.be/PReSQYTFvcs

*I hope neither Joker or Colorado can say that they've been giving their best... If so they might as well fold up shop right now.

Left Defense: @GIJoe Destro
1-8, (1-1-2 points), -16

- “You’re not my homeland anymore. So what am I defending now? You were my town. Now I’m in exile seeing you out”
("Exile ft. Bon Iver")

https://youtu.be/osdoLjUNFnA

*Clearly GIJoe hasn't been "defending" anything for Hershey, and I'm sure they'll be shortly seeing him out of "town" via trade or waivers.

Right Defense: @Lil SkiBall4926
0-9, (2-0-2 points), -24

- "You are not like the regulars, the masquerade revelers, drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten"
("Mirror'ski'ball")
https://youtu.be/KaM1bCuG4xo

*This quote offers a couple of potential explanations for this absolutely miserable start. Is SkiBall drunk? Are his skate edges shattered? Who knows? Who cares? Here's a shitty meme for his shitty 0-9 start.


Goalie: @JeFfBdR31
7-3-2, .709 SV% and 2.86 GAA

- "Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you"
("Dear John Jeff")
https://youtu.be/5ZT566Kjnz8

*Jeff has gone from actual All-Star last season to the worst save percentage in the league so far this season (minimum 7 GP), so clearly he's longing for those better nights as well.

Second Line aka the "Come Back... Be Here" Line

*All of the players on this line are making their first All-Star appearances, so hopefully they come back again and be here shortly!
https://youtu.be/hHWOAUjnmjQ

Left Wing: @Joe K l47l
1-8, (6-6-12 points), -18

- “Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you, desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus Joe K, too"
("Soon you’ll get better")
https://youtu.be/tMoW5G5LU08

*This song title is a lie. Things probably won't get better for Sleepy Joe or San Diego.

Center: @SHAGBOHEM
1-8, (4-5-9 points), -17

- "I forgot that you existed and I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't"
("I Forgot That You Existed")
https://youtu.be/p1cEvNn88jM

*I wish I could forget that this gamertag existed... Wtf is a Shagbohem? I'm also willing to bet that Hershey is wishing they could forget he existed.

Right Wing: @GirouxI94I
1-6, (4-3-7 points), -15

- "Feeling so Gatsby Giroux for that whole year"
("This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things")
https://youtu.be/6Z3QJ4L1Bg0

*I have no idea what this quote means, but the song title fits well for the season that Giroux is having.

Left Defense: @o0LIXx
1-8, (1-4-5 points), -19

- "I lived, and I learned, had you, got burned"
("You All Over Me")
https://youtu.be/XKaMUm7YwZc

*Clearly Olix has done a lot of getting burned so far this season, but has he learned? Probably not.

Right Defense: @GomerPyle401
1-7-1, (1-0-1 point), -10

- "Some boys are tryin' too hard, he don't try at all though"
("...Ready For It?")
https://youtu.be/wIft-t-MQuE

*With only one point on the season, clearly Gomer isn't "tryin too hard" to provide offense from the back end.

Goalie: @thekiller15000
3-5-1, .713 SV% and 3.37 GAA

- "Cause when you're 15'000' and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them"
("fifteen")
https://youtu.be/Pb-K2tXWK4w

*Colorado certainly isn't loving the second worst SV% in the league, and I'm not loving that his SV% couldn't be .002 points higher for another Fifteen pun, so I guess we're all losers here.

Third Line aka the "Bad Blood" Line

*@IlFox is going to have Bad Blood with me for not being linemates with him.
https://youtu.be/QcIy9NiNbmo

Left Wing: @IlFox
1-7-1, (7-6-13 points), -18

- "And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest"
("all too well")
https://youtu.be/tollGa3S0o8

*I apologize for breaking my promise and not being on your All-Star line this time. Here's a meme to help you feel better.


Center: @Brisan x6
1-7-1, (6-5-11 points), -16

- “He's so tall and handsome as hell, he’s so bad, but he does it so well”
("Wildest Dreams")
https://youtu.be/IdneKLhsWOQ

*I have no knowledge about the former part of this quote, but the latter is dead on accurate in describing Brisan's season so far.

Right Wing: @Flow Sauce Chew
2-6-1, (3-4-7 points), -9

- "What a shame, didn't wanna be the one that got away."
("Babe")
https://youtu.be/3pj39qZZYoQ

*As the only skater with more than one win, Flow almost got away with not being an All-Star. "What a shame."

Left Defense: @St1llSyncing
2-6, (1-2-3 points), -19

- “There'll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you”
("Happiness")
https://youtu.be/tP4TTgt4nb0

*Yea nah. There's no happiness whatsoever in Iowa, and as AGM, it's partially your fault.

Right Defense: @l Modano l
1-7-1, (0-4-4 points), -16

- “I want you for worse or for better, I would wait forever and ever”
(“How You Get The Girl”)
https://youtu.be/KjwTwvtwFlE

*Clearly Milwaukee is spot on for the "worse" part of this deal... They'll likely have to "wait forever and ever" because this 4.5m price tag won't be easy to move.

Goalie: @beernuts83
4-4-3, .718 SV% and 2.97 GAA

- "Your heart was glass, I dropped it”
("Champagne Beer Problems")
https://youtu.be/wMpqCRF7TKg

*Beernuts has clearly been dropping plenty of pucks into the back of his own net.

Note: I know precisely nothing about Taylor Swift, so if this wasn't good enough for you Swifties, just know...


More memes


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Pog

 

I love your content holy god

 

No baby pens W

 

This is master class

 

@Doobs Da Merc coming for your title

 

You still have a ways to go, but great start lol

 

@Gthumbz42o snubbed