Bridgeport Chronicles part 3 Rated R

1. BPC part 3: Do the Do
   
   I've been getting overwhelmingly negative feedback on these so here's part 3
   
   “Bonwl wants to see you Bent”.
   
   It had been 2 weeks since the time I bit the Cambodian boy.
   
   Turns out that calling my superiors 'Lord Bon and Commander Math' was a joke that I took too seriously too.
   
   I was the only one incapable of realizing it soooo...well things had changed around here to say the least. Since I take everything too literally and can’t separate fiction from reality, my bosses go by their actual names now. Lord Bon is Bonwl.
   
   The BDSM dungeon thing is totally real though. I walk into Bonwl’s BDSM adorned office and immediately look to the side of Bonwl’s vinyl throne.“No more deadbloatedgoat in a gimp suit, huh?” I say while walking up to the desk.
   
   “He got traded for speaking out of turn and giving himself away the other day when you were here. I take my sub/dom duties seriously.” Comes Bonwl’s response.“But let’s get right down to brass shits. Math?”
   
   Math_Habs standing silently in the corner all this time finally makes his presence known and brings a folder to the desk. “Tabarnak Bonwl are we sure about this?”
   
   Bonwl disregards his query. “Your W/L record is good kid, real good and your style of play has invigorated the fanbase. You have a lot of big hits and aggressive takeaways. Remember when you played against the hockeygirl of the Bruins?”
   
   “Boy, do I! Why just the mention of it brings me back. There she was. An actual GIRL. I had heard the rumors but I thought they were just that...rumors. A girl in a video game? As she skated the puck through the neutral zone she sported an almost heavenly glow. Angels sang and heavens opened. I knew I had to impress her. She reaches the blue line annnnd..." I pause for dramatic effect
   
   “BOOOM MOTHER FUCKER!” I say laughing
   
   "I hit her so hard that her feet whiplash up into her own face and I'm all like 'WHOOOO! WELCOME TO BRIDGEPORT!' Haha!
   
   I look at Bonwl with a knowing smile. “Love. She is a harsh mistress, sir.”
   
   “Heh heh.” He laughs.”You’re a funny guy. Crazy to the point where I really wonder about the state of your mental health but still funny. That poor girl still can’t remember her parents faces. She just keeps saying she’s in Bridgeport now. Fans saw the hit and love your hardcore style of play. I’ll level with you, kid. We lost a lot of games against top teams the other week. (Sub-par authors note: that was before we kicked the SHIT out of this most recent week.) Fan confidence has waned. We need something to boost audience retention. This offer came for you to 'star in or direct a Mountain Dew commercial.' No tricks. No Cambodian shit. Go make some sponsor money and get us some fans back. I’ll work on these goddamn trades. Got a lot of new faces coming. Trades out the ass, we’ll talk about it later. Math? Get on the phone with someone, anyone.”
   
   Math’s eyes roll into the back of his head “Tabarnaaaak, sir.”
   
   1 day later-“Here it is Bonwl. My directorial debut!” One copy for you, one copy for Bacon to run down to the broadcast room. We’re going live in five baby!"
   
   “Tabarnak!” Math says “Don’t we want to see this thing first Bonwl?”
   
   Bonwl hits play on the tape while saying “I trust Bent, if he says it’s going to bring up ad revenue then he’s gonna-“
   CLICK
   
   “Oh my God, yes! I want it!” calls out a female voice.
   
   “Come again!?” Bonwl’s eyes widen and his head spins on its axis to look back at the screen.
   
   “Tabarnak! She sounds like she’s about to..”

 

This has me dead every time

 

*ctrl + f*
*searches "hyper"*
*no matches found*

bitch

 

You're an Easter egg. Totally referenced in trade talk