For those who don’t fuck

Discussion in 'Leaguegaming Hockey League (LGHL PSN)' started by iDontFck, Dec 20, 2017.

  1. iDontFck

    iDontFck Im a dirty dog

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    I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at
     
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  2. NerdyMamba

    NerdyMamba Ain't I Sexy Baby. Call me White n Dirty.

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    is your penis as big as your mouth?
     
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  3. iDontFck

    iDontFck Im a dirty dog

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    Do you fuck?
     
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  4. NerdyMamba

    NerdyMamba Ain't I Sexy Baby. Call me White n Dirty.

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    I fuck you
     
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  5. iDontFck

    iDontFck Im a dirty dog

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    You’ve changed dude
     
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  6. Benny El Guapo

    Benny El Guapo Just bout that action

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    Why did i read that entire thing, i will never view pigeons the same
     
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  7. iCallsoWhat55

    iCallsoWhat55 Well-Known Member

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    any tips on how to make the pigeons swallow?
     
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  8. iDontFck

    iDontFck Im a dirty dog

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    You’ll have to catch them mid bite on some bread, your timing and aim would have to be pretty impeccable
     
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  9. iCallsoWhat55

    iCallsoWhat55 Well-Known Member

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    thank you!! i shall practice everyday till i master this. no wonder they always died when i forced deep throat on them.
     
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  10. Mattson1980

    Mattson1980 Well-Known Member

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    Non Fiction at its finest!
     
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  11. Shmucked

    Shmucked Well-Known Member

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    I prefer pineapples
     
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  12. Slamtastic86

    Slamtastic86 Potato Peeler

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  13. Enforstacho63

    Enforstacho63 Just your average internet troll

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    Thanks for the trick. I'll try that and let you know how it worked out
     
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  14. Enforstacho63

    Enforstacho63 Just your average internet troll

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    Need to bump this
     
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  15. GonzoArmstrong

    GonzoArmstrong Well-Known Member

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  16. iDontFck

    iDontFck Im a dirty dog

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    Someone get this kid outta my face
     
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  17. Mathdouble2

    Mathdouble2 Active Member

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    i lost 5 min of my precious time with this shit lolol
     
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  18. Enforstacho63

    Enforstacho63 Just your average internet troll

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    You dont LOSE 5 min of your time, you make your last 5 min worth it
     
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  19. xTheos l7l

    xTheos l7l Well-Known Member

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  20. Alexcleroux1995

    Alexcleroux1995 Member

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    What in in the hell did I just read!?
     
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