HeadLine Life in the Cage - Mid season report

Discussion in 'Leaguegaming American Hockey League (LGAHL)' started by NotoriousFAT 00, Mar 16, 2018.

  1. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 Former LG media kingpin, Wine gum lover, LG dad.

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    Hello fuckers! I'm back and I'm here to inject you with the brand of poison you have been feinding for. The head serpent with the visceral syrup you have been craving, The juice that gets you loose, The Tang that quenches your thirst! I'm here to deliver a little snark because the community needs it and quite frankly I'm exceedingly bored and have an overstock on sarcasm.

    To be upfront and completely transparent I'm really bummed to be missing this season watching from outside the virtual dasher board. Slowly sipping on a cup of icy water and eating dehydrated fruit chips. I've tried to keep up with the players and watch some games but it's incredibly hard to get into when you don't have any "Skin in the game". I've contemplated writing a few articles now and again but the feeling quickly leaves me like my colon loses a late night Taco Bell meal. I just didn't have the desire. I felt I had lost my drive after my surgery. I was simply spending too much time feeling sorry for myself.

    But then I noticed it.

    Ridiculous fucking goalie stats! So many amazing performances. Guys with outrageous GAA, Save % and even shut outs at the 4 week mark. I was instantly aroused! My blood started pumping. My blood pressure had risen, My heart was racing! Once I returned home from the hospital after yet another heart attack I decided to write something. So here is that effort. Again please remember that the things I write are not to be taken to heart as I love each and everyone of you minus @Malchesky who is a Grade "A" assclown. So lets get to it.

    The Good:

    As highlighted in the article written by @Darcy Kuemper there are some pretty outstanding performances to this point. Whether it be Darcy himself, @Tatar l21l , @Jonas Petersson , Or @Granpapuff420 these guys are clearly leading the way as the cream of the crop. In 90 combined games this foursome has combined for a staggering 62-28 record allowing just 143 goals on a total of 985 shots! That's a sphincter clenching 85.4 save % which means that gives these padded people a 1.58 GAA combined! What in the actual fuck is happening in season 29? Take all that and add to it a collective of 23 shut outs. Wow. Now these guys are usually near the top of the heap in terms of stats so it really shouldn't surprise anyone but it's still a great accomplishment. Congrats guys lets see if they can keep up this pace.

    One other player I would like to quickly highlight is @Ariasaki from Providence. It appears in the previous 2 seasons you appeared for Providence in an ECU role putting up decent numbers but not really rocking the boat enough to take a full time spot. But you certainly have taken whatever opportunity was presented to you this season laying waste to the statisticians of LG. 14-5 record allowing just 27 goals on 212 shots to lead your club with a 1.35 GAA and 87.5 save % is commendable. I will definitely be keeping a watchful eye on you going forward.

    The Bad:


    I think this will be easy as there really aren't any guys that are particularly bad in the stat department. Sure there are guys that are certainly not tearing it up but I have seen some real bad stats over the past few seasons and none of these guys are jumping out at me saying "Ohhhhh pick me! I'm human shaped dog shit". I could mention guys like @LAZYKIDZinGA , @Cleppatron or even @PitcheRxSwaGx but in reality none are really getting my juices flowing. Lets just say in comparison to our good category you guys are lagging way behind in a season that seems to be tailor fit for goalie success. When I look over at the player stats and look at point leaders I'm not seeing the name value I'm used too. Many emerging new stars appear to be overtaking the old guard.

    The Ugly:

    I saw this name and automatically penciled him in to fill my ugly spot. That sounded oddly pornographic. Either way let's proceed. Though his games this season are very limited and judging by his stat line I can see why that would be the case I expected more from a veteran like this. Ever since an insult laden and grammatically incorrect rant on a stream during the Season 27 playoffs @BS PAINTRAIN 19 has never been the same. Perhaps it's a case of age and "old thumbs" which I can certainly sympathies with. Maybe it's a lack of fire in the howling ones belly that has him in a multi season slump? Those answers lie with Mr Train himself but this season 29 has been particularly awful and could find his precious pecker receiving a bludgeoning from a hammer in the near future. While now with the Rocket's training camp BS has gone 0-2 giving up 22 goals in those 2 games and securing himself an 11.00 GAA in the process. His opening outing on the season was for the Sound Tigers allowing 8 on 17 shots to a predominately ECU equipped Hartford squad. He then followed that up with a 14 goals stinker to the Moose on 20 shots recently. Is this the end of a virtual career or can the wolf-en G turn things around and resurrect his career?



    Thanks for reading my first effort of the season. Again I want to thank all the guys that have checked in with me over the last several weeks. I'm feeling pretty good now and close to returning to work in the next couple of weeks. Again good luck to all of you this season the rest of the way it is shaping up to be an interesting finish and I look forward to following this up with the 3rd FATTIE awards. I hope you enjoyed your shit.


    Be big. Be square. Be soft.
    Notorious FAT
     
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  2. UT75035

    UT75035 PSN CHL Scrub

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  3. JayyDubski

    JayyDubski LGCHL Director

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    Glad to see you publishing again, bud! Great article!
     
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  5. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 Former LG media kingpin, Wine gum lover, LG dad.

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    I prefer the term "bullet catcher" or "supply carrier".
     
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  6. VeNOM3O99

    VeNOM3O99 Ultra Instinct (Sign) Goalie

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    Twenty-Two goals in 2 games... Ouch!
     
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  8. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 Former LG media kingpin, Wine gum lover, LG dad.

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    I would have to eat a salad but yes.
     
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    Z3R0CR45H It's been Fun All

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    macros73 Just This Guy

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