Official Anti-Award Winners for S38

It's time to announce the Anti-Award winners, and runner-ups (because why not spread the misery?) for S38. These are the Official Anti-Awards, even though you officially win absolutely nothing, aside from the guaranteed mocking from your peers. I will also look back at the "front"runners from my original post, which was posted after week four (here's the link to that in case you were interested https://www.leaguegaming.com/forums/index.php?threads/early-season-anti-award-leaders-losers.328332/ ). We'll take a quick look to see who continued on with their paths of misery and who ended up being slightly less miserable the rest of the way. I'd also like to congratulate all of you on the conclusion of your miserable seasons. Unsurprisingly none of our winners or runner-ups ended up making the playoffs. I decided to do music instead of gifs this time around (listen or don't, I don't really care). My advice to all of the award winners is to listen to their assigned songs five consecutive times (three times should suffice for the runner-ups). Think of it as a punishment for your terrible season, and perhaps let it inspire you to not be here again next season. Without further delay, I introduce your S38 Anti-Award winners!

Automatic Awards

Anti-Calder/Anti-Presidents
(The week four leading Ontario Reign actually managed to finish with the 4th worst record in the league, while the runner-up Providence Bruins finished with the 3rd worst record in the league)

Winner: Grand Rapids Griffins
-Congrats on being the epitome of misery!

Runner-up: Tucson Roadrunners
- Congrats on being slightly less miserable than Grand Rapids!

Punishment song: "Loser" By: 3 Doors Down

- The song title explains itself.

Jack A. Butterfingers Trophy
[Awarded to the least valuable player on the worst team in the league]
(Previous leaders @Sumaaa-- and @Vachxnsky are no longer important since they're no longer on the worst team in the league)

Co-winners: @l Leddy l & @tranqzz
(9-23-2 with .712 sv% and 4.55 gaa for Leddy, and 3-13-2 with 30 points -45 for tranqzz)
- Pretty easily the biggest waste of free contracts in the league makes them the obvious choices for least valuable.

Runner-up: @xPolskaaa--92
- Just because nobody likes Polska.

Punishment song: "Better Butterfinger Song"


EmiLe Francis Trophy
[Worst team in the Eastern Atlantic]

Winner: Providence Bruins
- Providence holds onto their week four lead. Truly a remarkable run!

Punishment song: "And We All Have A Hell" By: From First to Last

- I've honestly never heard of this band or song, but the band's name is fitting for Providence since they went from being one of the best teams in the league last season, to one of the worst this season. The first line of the song also sold me, saying "Everyday gets worse." It certainly did just that for the Baby Bruins.

The Broomchump Award
[Worst team in the East North]

Winner: Syracuse Crunch
- Syracuse refused to let go of the . Who could blame them?

HM: Toronto Marlies
- Clearly @Broomball16 wanted a crack at taking home the Broomchump for himself, but he even failed at that. Also since @aCanadianGamer is perpetually miserable, I had to mention him in this article and mention the fact that there will be a couple of Taylor Swift songs for your miserable enjoyment. You're welcome.

Punishment song: "Get the Broom" By: MGK
https://youtu.be/Pm_bdbtXL_M

- Also from my previous post v


Richard F. "Cant"ing Trophy
[Worst team in the Eastern Conference]

Winner: Providence Bruins
- Providence remained the worst team in the entire Eastern Conference. Congrats!

Punishment song: "The Bears Still Suck"
https://youtu.be/YpMBZK7GOJc
- Obviously this is about a completely different Bears team for an incredibly different sport, but the fact remains that "The Bears Still Suck."

Sam PoLLock Trophy
[Worst team in the Western Central]

Winner: Grand Rapids Griffins
- It goes without saying that GRG retains the PoLLock Trophy.

Punishment song: "We Are Never Getting Back Together" By: Taylor Swift

- This one goes out to Leddy and tranqzz. I've heard from sources that these two were the most miserable management duo for other teams to deal with all season long, so on behalf of the league we beg you to never get back together as management or really never manage again in general. We should hopefully get our wish since they should be NML'd for the amount of forfeits they had this season!

John "No" D. Chick Award
[Worst team in the Western Pacific]
(Previously leading Ontario Reign finished 2nd worst in the division)

Winner: Tucson Roadrunners
- Sadly Tucson management tricked themselves into thinking that this season would be less miserable than the last

Punishment song: "Dust in the Wind" By: Kansas

- Fitting song for two reasons. Number one being the obvious fact that Tucson is in the Desert. Number two being the fact that these old thumbs in the Tuscon retirement home are clearly getting one step closer to legitimately being "Dust in the Wind."

Robert "No" W. Clarke Trophy
[Worst team in the Western Conference]
(Previous leader Ontario Reign end up 3rd worst in the West)

Winner: Grand Rapids Griffins
- I'm getting tired of you guys.

Punishment song: "The Griffin Song"
https://youtu.be/wt_QqVnUqbo
- This is quite possibly the most miserable thing I've ever heard. This is clearly Grand Rapids' theme song.

Automatic Individual Awards
(20 games played needed for awards, but I'll probably cheat for some awards with few sub-par standouts or for a candidate with slightly fewer games whose misery couldn't be ignored)

John B. SoLLenberger Trophy
[Awarded to the forward with the least amount of points on the season]
(former runner-up @All Worried was spared from this award as he was sent down a couple weeks after my original post, he finished with 17 points in 18 games)

Winner: @Mike Shea 19
(17 points in 20 games)
- Congrats on keeping your week four lead. You were one point shy of doubling your point total in your final five weeks!

Runner-up: @Kiroxy4320
(27 points in 25 games)
- Obviously there were people between Shea's 17 points and Kiroxy's 27 points, but none of them played 20+ games. Besides barely averaging 1 ppg as a forward is embarrassing.

Punishment song: "Blank Space" By: Taylor Swift
https://youtu.be/e-ORhEE9VVg
- Clearly there was a lot of "Blank Space" on the scoresheet for these two!

Anti-Rocket Award
[Awarded to the player who scored the fewest goals in the regular season]
(former runner up @All Worried was sent down, as previously mentioned. He finished with five goals in 18 games, and scored more goals (7) in four CHL games after the send down than he had in six weeks in the AHL)

Winner: @Mike Shea 19
(8 goals in 20 games)
- Save some hardware for the rest of us!

Runner-up: @BozWPG
(10 goals in 28 games)
- The previous leader managed to drop down to second by seasons end due to scoring nine goals in his last five weeks. Very impressive by Boz standards. Although he by far had the worst goals per game average, he scored two more goals than Mike, and that's all that matters.

HM: @AK11GKG
(10 goals in 27 games)
- I've quite literally never seen a stat-line like this. Only 10 goals in 27 games, but a whooping 70 assists in that same time-frame. AK only took 33 shots in 27 games, which is a solid 30.3% shooting, and a measly 1.2 shots per game. I'm really confused.

Punishment clip and song:
https://youtu.be/tfPjl_Uwo6s
"Milkshake" By: Kelis

https://youtu.be/pGL2rytTraA
- If you're too lazy to click on the link, the clip is from the movie "Dodgeball" in which the legendary Patches O'Houlihan states "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat." Same goes for these guys and hitting the net. The song in no way relates to anything, but it was featured in the movie, so I went with it.

Harry "Unhappy" Holmes Memorial Award
[Awarded to the goalie who allowed the most goals during the regular season] *Note: I changed the criteria from week four in which I awarded this to the goalies for the team who've given up the most goals due to the fact that the goalies from that team weren't there all season long.
(Previous leader @NigelFromTinder posted solid numbers after week four and got a call-up to the NHL)

Winner: @SmiTTy x 12
(164 GA in 51 GP)
- Honestly Smitty doesn't deserve this award since his stats are miles better than the other top competitors for this award, but still he allowed the most goals on the season with 164 GA. Sorry, not sorry.

Runner-up: @Czap17
(162 GA in 38 GP)
- Coincidentally Czap was the winner in week four under the different criteria, and he still hangs on runner-up under the new criteria.

Punishment song: "Jesus, Take the Wheel" By: Carrie Underwood
https://youtu.be/lydBPm2KRaU
- I chose this song because goalies are at the mercy of the shitty teams in front of them. You also need Jesus to somehow play goalie in this game, and somehow not lose your mind.

Bossy's Nominated Awards

UseLes Cunningham Award
[Awarded to the league's least valuable player]
(Both of the previous nominees must've been motivated by the original post as both of them massively improved over the final five weeks. @Hayes x 13 added 9 wins finishing with a record of 10-14-3, and adding 39 points for a total of 54. @Turtle i53i didn't improve nearly as much, but he still added five wins over the final five weeks for a 6-17-4 record, and slightly more than doubled his point total, 15 to 32 points)

Winner: @tranqzz
(3-13-2 with 30 points -45)
- Huge waste of free contract, and it's embarrassing for a free contract to only play 18 games on the season. Tranqzz technically didn't play enough games for nomination, but since they probably forfeited at least two of his games... I'll allow it, I make the rules anyway.

Runner-up: @Mike Shea 19
(3-17 with 17 points -36)
- Oh how the turns have tabled from 18 wins last season to 17 losses the next. Ouch.

Punishment song:
"Sick of Feeling Useless" By: Neon Trees
https://youtu.be/sMr2NXeRXsI
- You get it.

Eddie I'm Not "Shore" You're A Dman Award
[Awarded to the AHL's worst defenseman]
(Previous leader @Makaaarrrr finished 5-9-4 with 14 points and a -20, adding four wins and five points in four weeks before taking a ban in week nine. Previous runner-up @Sumaaa x only played for two weeks after the original post, he added three wins during that span before also taking a ban)

Winner: @xDrewy-
(5-17-1 with 11 points -32)
- Looks like Drewy no showed on the last night of the season and will likely be taking a ban. Guess that helped him to avoid being the slam dunk winner here, but still shitty enough to bring this award home with him.

Runner-up: @Gthumbz42o
(4-15-4 with 13 points -34)
- Perhaps a Summer season position change or maybe retirement is in order.

Punishment song: "The Cone Song"
https://youtu.be/J-gYU-6fnp0
- Once again, this is self-explanatory

Aldedge "Bad" Bastien Memorial Award
[Awarded to the league's worst goalie]
(Original runner-up @l Saucy x 17 l did not play another game after my week four write up)

Winner: @Aerotonic
(11-24 with .686 sv%, 4.16 GAA)
- I'm not entirely sure what the best "tonic" is for a season like this one. Retirement, a position change or a return to the CHL seem like the best potential options though.

Runner-up: @TealCypress3011
(18-16-5 with .695 sv% and 3.81 GAA)
- Honestly impressive that TealCypress somehow has a winning record with these numbers.

Punishment song: "Savin' Me" By: Nickelback
- Clearly neither of these two were "Savin" much of anything!

Nail Yakupov Award a.k.a. Anti-Datsyuk Award
[Awarded to the forward who least excels in the defensive aspects of the game]
(Week four runner up @Turtle i53i ended up giving up 111 GA in 27 games, which is 4.11 gpg. Good for 8th worst in the league)

Winner: @Chunx
(132 GA in 27 gp, 4.88 gpg and a -49)
- Even though Chunx gave up one fewer goal than the co-runner-ups, he also played one fewer game. Unlike his competition, Chunx mostly played C this season which is supposed to be the more defensively responsible position.

Co-Runner-ups:
@SpruceMoose91 & @Drake0807
(133 GA in 28 gp, 4.75 gpg and a -49)
- After the start to the season these guys had, I'd ask who in their right mind would consider keeping these two together for the remainder of the season, and unsurprisingly the answer was Hayes. They did actually drop .65 gpg from my original post though.

Punishment song: "I Don't Care (About Defense)" By: Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber
https://youtu.be/y83x7MgzWOA
- Clearly not a single f*ck was given about defense.

Anti-Fred T. Hunt Memorial Trophy
[Awarded to the player who exhibited the lowest levels of sportsmanship and ungentlemanly conduct, combined with a low standard of playing ability]
*Note: I was going to make a pun with Fred T. Hunt's name for this award, but I wanted to make sure I wouldn't potentially need to nominate myself for the award.

Winner: @P t P 10
- Should be perma-banned.

I could be missing something, but I feel like the AHL hasn't had any ridiculously crazy bans this season. Certainly nothing that comes close to PtP (hopefully we never will). That's all I'm going to say on this topic.

Runner-up: @Game 7 W
-Unsurprisingly banned.

Again, not an AHLer (shouldn't have been an NHLer either). He got what everyone expected.

*Another Note: This award was just copy & pasted from my original award since nobody was going to top them (aside from some no-life second tagging CHLers, but nobody cares about them).

HM: @DangIe Nation
- He clearly doesn't rise to the level of the others for this award, but I just found the AC for his ban to be hilarious. "Dangie Nation refused to play for any team that was not a top contender, refusing to play for two teams."

Punishment song (not that any of the winners will see this for awhile): "Bad Guy" By: Billie Eilish
- Terrible song, terrible people. You get it.

The "Dud" Red Garrett Memorial Award
[Awarded to the least outstanding AHL rookie]
(Previous leader @Zdeno x 17 only played in and lost two more games after week four prior to being sent down, he finished 2-9-1 with 3 points and a -22. Previous runner up @Mxzzin won five more games in his final five weeks and finished 7-14-5 with 27 points and a -12. Not terrible considering how bad his team was)

Winner: @nhlNJDevil00
(1-16-1 with 28 points and a -43)
- NJDevil technically didn't have enough games played based on my criteria, but there weren't enough poor quality rookies to choose from since many notable ones typically don't get continued chances to stink. Besides just one measly win in 18 games is impressive for the real life NHL mascot. Maybe NJDevil should stick to Arcade 3v3?

Runner-up: @xDrewy-

(5-17-1 with 11 points and -32)
- The award winner for worst dman in the league checks in as the second worst rookie on the season.

Punishment song: "Rookie" By: Red Velvet
https://youtu.be/J0h8-OTC38I
- Honestly I have no idea wtf this song is. It's so ridiculously weird that I almost feel bad giving this out as a punishment.

The Mike Milbury Award [Awarded to the least outstanding management team in the regular season]
(The previously leading Belleville Senators don't finish first or second for the Milbury, but they still suck and worth being mentioned. Lou and the runner-up Ontario Reign are still noteworthy for their misery, but not shitty enough to finish top two)

Winner: Grand Rapids Griffins (@l Leddy l @tranqzz )
- I'm not going to beat a dead horse here.

Runner-up: Tucson Roadrunners (@BozWPG @jackD00P @Chunx )
- I appreciate these guys for trading players who wanted out, and for not forfeiting games. I don't think anyone could've predicted these guys beating out Ontario for worst in the division though. Yikes.

Punishment songs: "Misery" By: Maroon 5
https://youtu.be/6g6g2mvItp4
"Misery Business" By: Paramore
https://youtu.be/aCyGvGEtOwc
- The first song is more than likely what the players for these teams were singing/whining to their management all season long. Meanwhile, these guys were clearly in the "Business of Misery" as management.

 

This really is the “Shit on 5 people post” huh

 

I thought as the season went on it would spread too more teams. Instead it simply went from shitting on Ontario, to shitting on Grand Rapids

 

@AK11GKG Doesn't need to shoot when he plays with me, he passes and I score. @The AB Show is just there I guess

 

always a good read, 12/10. Keep shitting on gamer for being a hater. Thx

 

Runner-up: @Gthumbz42o
(4-15-4 with 13 points -34)
- Perhaps a Summer season position change or maybe retirement is in order.

my former partner

 

honored.

 

Need save

 

@AK11GKG doesn’t shoot because I yell at him to pass to me so I can take point shots all game

 

Appreciate the songs throughout

 

Ouch, understandable but really kicking us while we’re down with this one lmfao. Real shit I don’t think there’s anything that can revive me after this season...

 

Kind of just is what it is. The real Presidents winner wins a shit ton of awards, so naturally the last place teams will "win" a bunch here. Hopefully my words weren't too harsh lol. It's really just a tough situation when everyone just gives up, and even tougher when one of your free contracts barely plays. That kills teams because players are like "If my GM/AGM doesn't care or play, why should I care?" I don't know tranqzz at all, so I don't want to just assume he didn't care (maybe he had personal shit going on or whatever), but it's a bad look for a free contract to miss three full weeks.

 

I had Gallbladder removal surgery a couple days after bidding, then the incisions got infected so I had to go back to the hospital for about a week and a half. Was on ir for 2 weeks. BUT I never take anything to heart, this shit mad funny ngl

 

a whole mix of things lead to the demise of the griffins, I don’t think many would say it was insufferable to play for me or tranqz, just it sucked being on a losing team. That said (and like tranqz said), it’s pretty funny. We did what we could with the constant shit hands we were dealt, can’t take it too seriously. My only disappointment now is how bad my stats are, I guess I’m headed back to the C.

 

I need a least amount of points per dollar paid award I can win

 

Fuck im down bad last LG season of my life

 

I’m washed. Game sucks. Other excuses.

Was a season to forget and high key regret coming back to this cesspool after taking a season off.

Fun read. Salty about the runner up, was pushing for the top spot.

Fun fact, playing passing lanes in this force friendly game will cause full tilt every game

 

haha omg GRG really sucked! anyone who at any point who managed that team should quit LG!

 

@vBxnditt LOL