LIfe in the Cage: Did someone take a Daren Puppa? (Week 8)

*** This is for entertainment purposes only. Do your best to be a big boy/girl and keep your tender bits salt free. I really don't care if you think this is crap I enjoy it and so do the vast majority of my readers. ***


I will apologize right off the hop guys this weeks LITC is completely uninspired and is not something I'm particularly proud of. There will be no big write ups, Very little snark and mostly just stats. I will be back next week our final regular season week with something completely different. Next week I present to you the "Fatties". The Fatties will be my year end awards given out to the AHL's finest and most fucked up goalies. For all you Daren Puppa's out there in the land of LG the voting committee will consist of myself. So there will be no need to worry about the rest of those media types ruining this very prestigious award show. For those Daren Puppa's worried about having multiple guys included from your roster. Fear not we have no limitations here. I will do as I see fit. Wanna be included? Inbox me your most stunning stat and maybe I can squeeze you in.


STUDS:

This week there was a fuck ton of great performances and I would love to recognize you all but the truth is I don't have time for all you non All star pussies.

1) @PHJ314 Great consistent if not quiet year. This week 3-1-0 86.5 sv% 1.75 GAA with a shutout.
2) @IVIDewMan Still refreshing even in week 8. This week 5-1-0 88.0 sv% 1.67 GAA with a shutout.
3) @Kingofny1983 Springfields own did them proud. This week 5-1-0 82.0 sv% 1.84 GAA 2 big shutties.

Notable mentions: @EgoKiller43 @Im_Faces @Belarus64 @Ballzy06 @xBroNz3x @a Living Pylon @xCHPZY @ll 7th ll @l Rockystar l @LAZYKIDZinGA


DUDS:

1) @BLKHAWK95 Bridgeport is a fuckin shit hole. This week 0-2-1 63.6 sv% 5.15 GAA.
2) @ProphetsOfRage St John's needs an enema start here. This week 0-3-1 60.4 sv% 5.72 GAA
3) @Codester109 The Griffins are good. What the fuck is your excuse? This week 2-2-0 66.7 sv% 3.51 GAA.

Notable mentions: @Tatar l21l @KiLLerSHoT6784 @AirB0rneFaTheR @Da GeRmAiNiAc @Mastadon31 @Ratty68 @wooley11 @Matt l85l @cdubb06 @CAPTAIN TURTL31


TAG TEAM:

Sorry guys no tag team this week. I feel the gimmick has run it's course and it never really worked the way I hoped it would.


COCK HAMMER:

@Demented Christ I don't believe in god, But I'm not taking any chances by ripping on his kid. I've got a young family with 3 kids and a wife that loves me and I don't need to be checking out early. 0-2-0 47.1 sv% 9.01 GAA! Not a typo it was that bad... I really wish Syracuse would have given him the 3rd start just so we could have seen how low Demented could have gone. Like really 9.01 GAA is verging on the "My goalie is sight impaired" territory. I can see the managers discussion now. Dude we need an ECU in net! Call Ray Charles.... Oh he's dead? Then lets get Stevie Wonder! Hmmmm he's busy. Shit lets just use Demented Christ. Welp! Guess I'm going to hell now. Fuck it. Syracuse you blow! HAMMER!!!

Warning: This is fairly graphic and may offend some more sensitive players. Too fuckin' bad you should have read the note at the top of the page.



Until next week.... Be BIG. Be square. Be soft!

NotoriousFAT 00

 

"The Griffins are good. What the fuck is your excuse?"

Love it