Heat vs Pelicans At a Glance – This is like one of those last gen Final Boss fights where you had to fight your shadow/mirror self/evil self etc etc. These teams are essentially the same on paper, separated only by conference. · A+ First line · Second line point guards with egos so big its hard to hold their heads up · Best Second line in their respective conference · Venom is 16 and going through puberty, Beardo is 35 and still going through a wildly aggressive puberty · PNR · Questionable second lines to begin the season, but played very well · Elite Point Guard who doesn’t need much help to win a game · Upper Level first line lock · No name second line centers that think they’re better than they actually are I can barely even tell these teams apart. Alas, let’s compare and shit on them anyways. The Heat – The defending champions melted through the competition and steam rolled into the finals with little to no back draft to keep them away. See Jbone? Puns are easy. :fart noise: No seriously, the heat were barely even tested. The conference finals SHOULD have been a test, but some players had their sights set on some unattainable glory and although the Hawks had stellar a defense all season, it wasn’t good enough to defend the decisions made around our TC’s and NCAA G-League farm league. Not that it takes away anything from this Heat team. They held the leagues best record at 30-6. To put that in hilarious perspective, the Jazz Thunder and Blazers won 28 games…combined. Noone even came close to the amount of points they scored (2509) and only 4 teams gave up more points than them (1968). They finished on an 11 game winning streak and only lost one game (albeit a shocker!) to Melo and his upside down Knicks in the Quarter Finals. Lets get funky. Season MVP for the Heat – ugh. Flems. Rick is incredible. Everyone knows that. This season was no different, but we did change the structure going from 4-2 to 3-3 meaning there was much more importance on second line play and Flems stepped in and kept the Heat train full steam ahead. Props to him and his second line. Bleh. Keys the Back to Back – Stop Venom. Its literally that simple. “It’s a team game, Savage…you have to-“ Shut up. Venom took 314 shots this year and their next highest shot attempts came from Styggy…no Monsta…fuck it, I’ll combine them all. Oops, the other 4 Pelicans took a combined 289 shots. 25 less than just Venom. Stop Venom. If you can. The Pelicans – Another debacle of a Conference Finals marred by disconnects and cheating allegations. None the less Dando’s Namath type promise fell short and Venom and the Pels finally revengered their embarrassing sweep from last season. Venom did a great job shaking things up and getting rid of some problems last season, going with….wait no… he still drafted SubxForce….but Sub didn’t find himself lost in his own ego this season and sealed the deal against the Grizzlies in a 4 game trounce. (they also swept the Wolves easily and made Savage sad) The Pelicans also had a great season going 27-9 with the best defense in the league…by a long shot. They only gave up 1744 points. The next closest to that was the 6ers at 1826. I get that there were forfeits but they were still playing very good defense all season with Monsta OF leading the way on the first line and a First-Line-Talent Lock in Sniper leading the second line. Venom did a great job putting this team together - surprising everyone with some pick ups and having Ching take over and manage them into a Championship caliber team by picking up the Bgons and Bills of the world. Keys to Victory - Rattle Rick early and often. Get him mad. Pray. First line - Draw Second line – Draw First line PG – Draw First Line Lock – Draw Second line PG – Heat Second Line Lock - Pelicans Badge Count – Pelicans Handsomeness – Heat cuz I can’t call a 16 year old handsome Changus count – Pelicans Double Dad count – Heat Fuck this should be a good series. Congrats to the Heat and Pelicans. I have been so unbelievably bad at predicting these things, I’m predicting a Heat sweep in hopes the Pelicans put it in my face and we get a good series. Or the Heat can sweep and I look like a genius. #mithionimpothible
